I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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