Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize