can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize