I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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