we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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