Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize