remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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