I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize