Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
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After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
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Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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