my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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