This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
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You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
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I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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