tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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