It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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