I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
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There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
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In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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