You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
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I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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