She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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