You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
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Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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