We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
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There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
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Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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