Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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