while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
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Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
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Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i think my cat just said my name.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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