i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize