I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize