Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
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I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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