So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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