If that was your dad, he is hot
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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