You just made me feel so damn special
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize