I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
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You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
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There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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