I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
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He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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