maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize