I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
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I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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