what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
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This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
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The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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