i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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