too bad you live with your parents still
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
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I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
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I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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