Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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