So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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