someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
As shirtless as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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