You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
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you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
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Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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