I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize