So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
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This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
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Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
try to milk me bitch
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