I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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