so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize