And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
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Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
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I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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