I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Dear god my vagina.
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