so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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