He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize