Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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