Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
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Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
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gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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