dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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