I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
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drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
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Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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