tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
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They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
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my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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